This blog is a personal one
Saturday night on the 5th I was at work, I started getting a burning feeling in my chest, then my head hurt and I started getting dizzy, then my arm started getting a little numb and my hand was completely numb and my fingers tingled.
I told my boss that I wasn't feeling good, told her what was going on and we both agreed that I better head to the hospital.
On the way I called my sweetheart and let her know, She stayed calm but I could tell there was a little bit of urgency in her voice,
So I made it to the hospital she told me don't wait, tell them your having symptoms of a heart attack, thatway I don't get put in chairs and have to wait,
So theycame right out and got me, out me in a gown, IV in, then EKG machine came in and got all hooked up , Got a covid test a PCR civid test, civud test negative, PCR test positive which means I have had covid I the last 90days from what I understand and was told
So now we have to find a hospital bed for me in another hospital that has the capability to take care of me if the worse happens.
Okay no beds anywhere around here, non in La Crosse, non in Eau Claire or in Marshfield, well after an hour they found one, in Rochester Minnesota, but the Black Rive Falls ambulance could not take me up there, and the Rochester Ambulance would not come and get me, Thank fully there was an ambulance from Mayo clinic in Rocester that was in oseo at the time and said they would transport me up there.
Okat so nitro in, a G I cocktail that tasted like ass drank, the amulanc arives and off we go.
Once there I get hooked up to more machines, so now I have at least twenty leads stuck to me, a heart monitor, now a another EKG machine, then here comes the drugs, saline solution and Heprin dripping and running into me.
Anyways not to drag this out, I needed up having blood drawn every frou hours, finally got a CT scan and found I had a 96% blockage in one of the main arteries feein my heart, I had angio cathadore done and a stint put I'm and was released the next day. I had my daughters texting me all the time, A special lady texting me and calling me all the time, being there for me, telling me it was going to be fine, and that we got this, keeping me calm and at peace.
Once I got home I dropped of my daughter so she could go get the grandkids, I ut away some clothes and walked by one of the grandkids's room, the ned was all made and well for a brief moment I saw a glimpse of them laying in their beds. and reality hit me,
I felt so many emotions but the biggest was guilt, yes guilt, I felt so selfish, I know what Iwould be missing if I had not made it. But it hit me, what would they be missing if I did not make it? Yes I had a lot to lose but they had even more, I was their hero, their mentor, I was a dad, grandpa and a friend. How devastated would they be? The guilt of being selfish hit me hard, I never thought about them at all, I only thought about myself I ate what I wanted, I never excorsized or I ate what I wanted and didn't care about my health. I only thought of me and what I wanted,
But now I was thinking about what they wanted. They wanted me to be here, they wanted me to be around to watch the grandkids grow up and graduate and watch them as they took a different road and started a new adventure, I have three grandkids who depend on me to be there four daughters who needed to me to be there and a special person who wants me in this world, and if I did go, then my pain would stop but their pain would double and be more fierce hen any pain they have felt.
I sat down the bed and cried, not because I was sad but because I felt so selfish, I hated myself for being like this and only thinking of myself and not them, I hated myself for this, I only have myself to blame for all of this because it was my fault, I am the one who made the decision to eat whatever I wanted, smoke and just no care about my health.
Now I am seeing a whole new word and it is one with me in it, I have three beautiful grandkids and maybe someday will have more, I have four beautiful daughters and one special person in my life and I want to be here for a long time and watch them all grow and embark on different adventures and see how far they can go. I have a special person who is Beaustiful, Gorgeous and Sexy that I want to spend the rest of my life with. And the only way that will happen is if I start eating healthy and excorsizing more and taking care of myself, I already knew I had a lot to lose, but now I know that so many friends and family have more to lose then I did, they would lose me and that guilt is so strong that I never want to feel it again and the only way I will stopit is by thinking about them and getting healthy and being here for them for a long time.
I hope this reaches so many people and that the women see it and show their boyfriends and so they can read it or their wives and girlfriends will read it and see what I seen, maybe it will open their eyes to see how their friends and family would be without them, Maybe wake them up and get them to start eating healthy and taking care of themselves, because we all have something to lose, but our families have so more to lose.
Thank you for Reading,
Mark Baker
To my three grandkids, my four daughters and my Love
This is my pledge and promise, I will now take care of myself so I will be here for a long time to watch you grow and watch how far you go and grow with you and be by your side always.
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